Away from HOME – Phase 3

Β  Β Β Β 8 years before on a sunny morning I loaded my luggage to the car. What’s that feeling that haunted me? Still, I don’t know. Its like a little birdie getting out from mother’s wings. My eyes were welling up. I am gonna miss my room, my bed, my books, my home town. πŸ˜₯ Oye! You are only a 40 kms away from home. Really! Then why so much of this drama? Its on that morning I realized how it is; departing from home for a long time. I can come back every weekend; can feel that homely feeling once in every seven days; but still i was feeling numb. I felt a small tear rolling down my cheeks when our car took the bend and my home was out of sight. 😦 Mom and Dad is saying how to handle life alone; how to be brave; how to behave; how to be careful. I was 16 then,actually 15; will reach 16 two months later. So called bold and brilliant little girl from our family; who is ready to catch her dreams in the world of art and buildings. I wasn’t worried about anything; but my heart was cold ❀ . I couldn’t hear its lub dup; its almost out of order. Brain is out of order from the day I joined the college. Severe disorder to my whole body!! Master brain and lovely heart; they both seems to be resting in my room at home. πŸ˜›

PHASE 1

Yeah! After a great section of ragging (that time it was hurting but now seems to be funny!) and introduction i entered to the world of college and hostel life. 8 years and 3 different hostels; different satires; Archie life to Engineering life (from artist to professional); Student to Architect (from professional to actual professional) Different places, different rooms, different people. Hostel life is so called hell for everyone where we make heaven. Wherever i stayed till now; I made heaven out of that every hell. 3 years as a stubborn archie who always carried a pencil in her drooping pants; πŸ˜‰ Sleepless nights with my sheets and drawings; a world with colors and models (models of structures; not Lakme fashion week πŸ˜› ) Loosing weight; laughing at every simple things; finding my true love (first love is always special ❀ ); long walks; and living with least pocket money. It was the best I had. The first time I found outΒ what friendship is; what love is; what adjusting is; what is it like living with a bunch of people from different home; and moreover so many experiences over life. From the first phase of life away from home; I studied how to love each other; how to trust on someone and how not to break it. We managed to stuck in a room with 10 beds (which we changed to 8 and we 10 slept over that); 2 tables (both with my sheets stick over that). We never complained; but we enjoyed every moment with tears and laughs. The people who taught me to smile at every conditions; to sing on every worries; to sleep with my tensions over submissions and to praise the Almighty for everything!! πŸ™‚

PHASE 2

Then Β the second phase of life away from home. Crying days cause of missing old room mates; 😦 stuck among some seventy people who are already friends for the past one year and I am new Alien to them. And the life with some higher standard people who always carried a thought that they are bigger than anyone cause they are Engineers. πŸ˜› From there I studied what wrath is πŸ˜› ; what hate is; what betrayal is; how is it like cheating someone with whom we are sleeping everyday; how is it like taking someone’s precious thing and ruining it; how is it like sitting for combine study and having a urge in mind that I m gonna score more than you πŸ™‚ ; how is it like spending more money on nothing we need; how it isΒ like complaining on everything; and moreover whats backstabbing. I know someone among those people will read this one day and will realize how I felt for them. This is not what I felt then; this is what my realizations are after that 3 years of life. I won’t complain you cause even my cousins did the same to me; Betrayal; so why can’t you! πŸ˜› I would better study from them how to keep that hate towards anyone for a long time for no reason; how to cheat someone who is in your room for the past two/three years; how is it to betray your best friend (so called best friend). Strange people; strange life it is!! πŸ™‚

PHASE 3

Through which I am going now. My life with some responsible; still funny and loving people; a set of crazy ones who are trying hard to build up their career to whom I never tried to mingle with; but all fell in place and they seems to be getting adjusted to me! (Yes; m pretty confusing often πŸ™‚ ). I was worried of joking over them; make fun of them; even to care them. I was wrong often! Now I started joking over them (they over me too); make fun of them (they over me too); even started caring them(they care me too) πŸ˜› . Some different mind sets who never attracts; but for God’s sake we never repels. Thank God for making me keep a short distance between everyone among us. Cause that short distance is making us together always. Thank God for making them give me my space in my life (Not blaming over my friends, my books, my songs, my writings, my weirdness, my madness, my life). They are the well mannered well behaving people. May be cause we are all responsible working people (of same age! πŸ™‚ ) But this is another dimension in my life! πŸ™‚

Toast for all the people who made me smile on my days away home. Dedicated to all my hostel mates (who made me happy) in this journey of life. πŸ™‚ Don’t ever feel that there were no bad ones in my Phase 1 and good ones in Phase 2. There were; but these are only the memories which remains now. Don’t think they are the only one who betrayed me. Sometimes my family people πŸ˜› and my so called friends did the same. Don’t think that they are the only one who makes me happy. I have my princess of love who makes me laugh in tears (my Mayasa ❀ πŸ™‚ ❀ ); my own brother who always makes me smile in every situation (my AaashiΒ πŸ™‚ ❀ ); my wonderful buddy who always says I am the best (my Vichu πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚Β ); my reflection in life who always makes me feel we are the only two extinct pieces in our species (my Boss ❀ ❀ ); my family and a crazy set of siblings who always makes me feel I am special. So many people here and there! Long live this wonderful people. ❀

Nuz’ha, Shari, Ahalya, Sini Chechi, Maria, Greeshma, Sheena Chechi, Anju Chechi, Aswathi Chechi, Dhanya Chechi, Akhila, Daly (In first phase πŸ™‚ )

Aisha, Vrindha, Akhila, Hiba, my lil junior fellows and MBA mates (In second phase πŸ™‚ least in count)

Akhila, Vidhya, Limiya, Bhagya, Deepthi, Aswani, Soorya, Kala (In third phase πŸ™‚ )

Its just a simple thought of what makes me happy in this hectic life made me write this blog ❀ Love you all ❀

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memories : my way to escape

Feels like a rain had pour down in my mind just now and washed away every sorrows…
I opt everyone to watch their favorite movie when you are depressed..this one i tried out and i succeeded…

Escape from the worries…what i wish always…what everyone wishes…i worry about my present…i wish my life to be like my past…but i always forget tomorrow, today will become my past…i don’t know what i m waiting for..sometimes even i don’t know what i wish…and then i fell down and realized this is life…

Everybody have their own ways…getting on to my i pod and playing my most favorite song brings me smile at times…even makes my mind calm in the most frustrated situation…it wont be that song…it may be just the memories related to that song that makes me feel calm…or a movie like what i tried today…or browsing through the pictures of our favorite people…favorite moments…through my most favorite book…or through my phone where i saved so many precious texts…At one moment i felt…its past and i can’t get it back… 😦 but the next moment i realized those memories makes my life… πŸ™‚

There may be so many things disturbing you…for me…always…away from home deep in my heart every moment i miss my home…when every moment i talk to her i cries…and i can’t belive still i cries… (after 45 days)… and it makes me feel better…makes me feel that i m still my mom’s child!! I don’t know whether its all good memories with her…she never fed me food with her hand yet…she never said i love you to me even i had said it thousand times to her…but she kissed me and cried whenever i stepped out of my home for a long journey and i wish i could go again and again to get that single kiss…i love that tenderness…and the one feel that she is mine!! πŸ™‚ miss you mom… ❀
And yet again i have much things that made me worry…little ignorance from my best buddy…disappointing face of my brother on his failure…being a jobless and the thought that i wont be getting the thing what i wished most…i always wished to go back to that exam hall for AIEEE, 4 years before and i had attended that one question i missed…then i will be the most happiest girl in the world!!!Leaving that nightmare behind was the hardest job i had and realizing the fact that i can’t become an Architect..And now too i am wishing for something i will never get and this time i am well prepared…because i hadn’t got what i loved most…yet…

The treasure i have now is memories…the one think which helps me to escape…escape from the worries…some good memories…from the day of my birth to today…23 years of journey and i still remember everything which made me happy and sad…2 years before this day made my life change…the day of my grandmother’s demise…what she was for me i don’t know…but what i lost with her is a big family…a thousand memories and a home where we 100s of people always made the blast…with this day i lost myself for the next 2 months and over a year i cried every night without any reason…i never found i had grown up…i hugged my mom tightly at nights thinking that i cant miss one more person from my life…i was scared of death and i was scared of everything…that moment i started loving every moment…every thing in my life…i cared about everyone more and more and it always hurted me…but i continued caring for others even more than myself…i often got hurted…but i never minded…it may be because of that my best friend called me a saint…

No one can change you without your permission and no one can hurt you…if you cry for someone, you had given them the permission to hurt you…if you love someone…love unconditionally…and give your tears and grief to the one who deserve…

let this memories stay forever!!! good or bad…i love them..because that makes my life!!!otherwise its just a blank page..now its a wonderful diary!!! (some pages with lots of smileys.. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ and some wet because of my tears… πŸ˜₯ ) but i always find happiness in that…

Feeling that somewhere the words and sentences are not kept in position…not arranged…this is not an edited version…may be editing is needed…for the one person who never misses my post…shifaz…m sorry for this bad one… )

twisted thoughts…

mind sometimes keep boggling…mostly when my buddies are not around me…home is not giving a homely feeling…i m now afraid of staying there…i could’nt go on with my life now…i thought of stopping it many times…the only thing i can think of at that time is my buddies…still i need to live…need to exploreΒ and keep on smiling…….:)