Jump #AtoZchallenge

043370509ffd7dc37093a240c4652a1fWhen you jumped last time?
Just a simple jump; the moment in air. If it’s a long time back, take a jump and come back to my post. 😉
Jump is a power concept for me.. As always my bucket list includes Bunjee jumping, Jumping from a cliff, jumping from an plane for sky diving.. To jump is often a simple thing but the moment you stays in the air without any support is a different feeling. A moment where we are the only one who can control our self and a realization of no one can stabilize us back other than us.

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I still remember the day Mayasa started jumping. At the early stages she was too afraid of falling. She says it’s her jumping but what she did was hopping. She keeps her toes in the ground itself and takes a small hop. But when last time she came on holidays, we were sitting on our neighbor’s house where they have a little higher platform to sit. She came near me, held my hand and stood at the edge of that platform. She looked down and looked at me. I was wondered on how a little kid of three years know it’s a little risk to jump off from that platform. She approached me and asked in my ears ‘Can I jump?’. The always encouraging me told her ‘Of course you can. Don’t ever worry about falling. I will hold you.’ She made a smile and again held my hand. A little fear loomed in her face but still she managed to make a small jump with the help of my hand. In half an hour we spend there, she tried out jumping as many times possible and by the end she managed to jump alone. I was pretty overwhelmed by my niece’s courage.

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Jump is not physical only. We often takes mental decisions too. Jumping higher or jumping over a hurdle can change your life. Always think about from where we are starting and where we going to end. I am a girl who experienced every luxuries as a child with acres of land to play. In my childhood days (even still) I used to jump off the hedges, jump from a compound wall, trees and even from the 10 feet high terrace. Yeah! I jumped from there twice. But as I grow up my faith in myself diminished and I started fearing of jumping. Even in decisions Ii often stumbled. I guess this happens to everyone. As the responsibilities increase, as the life progress, we love to stay safe and stay back from risks. But life starts when you jump off from that safe zone. Everyone knows the truth but no one is ready to accept it.. So, take the jump. No one will drag away the ground under you. It’s you who controls you and its you who makes you stand still.

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Happy blogging !! 🙂

J

DEATH-my biggest fear #AtoZchallenge

I was planning to post another blog on D. But last day I deleted that post and wrote this new one. I am very much afraid of writing about death. It is the biggest fear I have. I couldn’t handle the loss of someone closer to me. And last Friday I lost my Uncle. I was struggling to hold on my tears for the next two days knowing my tears will bring tears in my dear one’s eyes too. I acted pretty strong in front of everyone and at night I sobbed silently thinking about the memories he gave me. And yesterday, when I got back to office I noticed that I m not normal. My eyes started welling up in every normal talk and then again I realized how much I m worried of his demise. And that’s how this post turned ON!

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DEATH! Death is usual as birth. That’s how life is. The first time I encountered it is while I m in my second grade when I lost my Grandfather. And that was the day I came to know that losing someone is the biggest fear. I tried my best to fill the void with memories and happiness but that never worked. Every time when I think about something that scares me; it’s that; those memories of my lost ones. I thought I m being silly every time. I tried to change. But all my tries went in vain.
When on Friday night my Dad called me in numbness conveying the news of demise I felt like something hit me hard on my skull. I was in a moment of shock and then I tried my best to keep calm and behave strong. I was the only one normal there at that time and right that time I took my phone and called each and every relatives of mine to pass the news. I still don’t know how I did that without a drop of tear and I don’t know how I collapsed right after that. After every such loss I will tell myself ‘Their duty in this planet is done and they left.‘ This time too I m struggling to cope up with the truth and teaching myself on it. What left is those thousand memories we had together as a family. The thousand funny fights we made and those unconditional love he given to me considering me as his own little daughter.

DOne of my favorite book ‘Mayyazhi puzhayude theerangalil‘ by M. Mukundan have a nice story to tell about death. Across the Mayyazhi river, there is an island with butterflies called Velliyankallu. When someone dies in Mayyazhi, they will turn into a butterfly and will fly to Velliyankallu. 🙂

I can see everyone as beautiful butterflies fluttering there!! 🙂

 

P.S : Thanks to everyone who held me closer on these days! Thanks to every condolences and thanks to Shinilkka who told me to write read eat and get back to normal ASAP. 🙂