the dream..

I was descending the steps at a brisk pace. In these long 35 years, I have never left my wife behind anywhere. But today, she called out from behind, ‘Why so fast? Slow down’. I slackened my pace. It was  early in the morning and the temple was crowded with devotees. Suddenly I stopped. Is that her? I wasn’t so sure. I called out to the woman in front of me, ‘Nandini?’ She turned her gaze towards me. ‘Oh Siddhu! It’s been a very long time.’ My alarm rang and I woke up with a start. It’s morning.

Why the hell did this thing have to ring now? I had to complete the dream. I was still beaming, smiling, looking at the wall. It’s been 6 years after school. Where was she now? It’s been over two years since I had seen her, that too after a long break. She was pregnant at that time. What kid did she have? Boy or girl? So many questions over a single person.

Nandini. She was my teacher. She was a sister to me. Like every kid, I too had a mentor and that was her; the person who made my high school worthwhile. I was always her pet, her kid, even though  I was one of the most naughtiest kid in the class, who never liked to study. She often fed me food. She always took care of me like I’m her own brother. She meant the world to me. She soothed my worries. She always made me smile. Moreover, she made me what I am.

After I left school, life was all but a blur. Time flew by. I’ve lost touch with her.  But I’m sure she will be happy with her love, our Sir, her husband. Am I missing everything? That pretty good childhood.  A time that had no responsibilities, no worries, and full of happiness. I was still smiling, thinking about that wonderful dream. It was a great feeling, meeting our favorite person after a long time, recognizing that face amongst a crowd, even though the passing years have given it a lot of changes.

I got up. I have to go to the school, to meet my brother who is working there. I called Aman and asked him to pick me up. He will be coming in an hour. Sitting in the back of his bike, I was still thinking about that dream. We reached the school in no time. There it was, exactly as I remember it. I climbed the stairs and found my brother in the upper floor. As we were talking, I heard the sound of someone closing the door of a car. I looked down. I rubbed my eyes and looked again.

Nandini!

I was shocked. My eyes were welling up but I managed to hold back my tears. I turned to my brother. ‘Would you please call her?’ ‘Who? Nandini?’, asked my brother. I nodded my head. ‘It has been a long time.’ He stood in front of me and called out to her. She didn’t hear it. At the third call she looked back. My brother moved aside and said, ‘Look who’s here.’ I could see the same feeling I’ve felt, in her eyes. She was holding a baby boy. I was out of words. She was downstairs in the courtyard and I stood upstairs like a statue. She smiled. We stood smiling at each other for a minute and suddenly waved her hand. ‘Siddhu! I’m in a hurry. See you later dear. I got to go.’ She waved and got into the car. The boy too waved at me. She waved again. ‘See you later, okay?’ She waved a final bye and drove her car away. It turned the corner and vanished.  I didn’t say a single word.  I just stood there and waved back. I don’t know how much she meant to me. There are a lot of people like this in my life; my special one, who gave me the different meanings of love, who made me what I am, who made me realize  who I am and what I have to be.

I came back and crawled to my bed, thinking of everything that  had happened today. Thank you, God. Thank you for everything. I closed my eyes, waiting for another dream to come by.

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Hearty thanks to my one and only lovely #vichu who shared his one whole day for me which turned into a simple art piece like this. And to my buddy #amal who helped me in polishing this piece. 😉 . Yes, I am blessed with some wonderful people around me. ❤

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memories : my way to escape

Feels like a rain had pour down in my mind just now and washed away every sorrows…
I opt everyone to watch their favorite movie when you are depressed..this one i tried out and i succeeded…

Escape from the worries…what i wish always…what everyone wishes…i worry about my present…i wish my life to be like my past…but i always forget tomorrow, today will become my past…i don’t know what i m waiting for..sometimes even i don’t know what i wish…and then i fell down and realized this is life…

Everybody have their own ways…getting on to my i pod and playing my most favorite song brings me smile at times…even makes my mind calm in the most frustrated situation…it wont be that song…it may be just the memories related to that song that makes me feel calm…or a movie like what i tried today…or browsing through the pictures of our favorite people…favorite moments…through my most favorite book…or through my phone where i saved so many precious texts…At one moment i felt…its past and i can’t get it back… 😦 but the next moment i realized those memories makes my life… 🙂

There may be so many things disturbing you…for me…always…away from home deep in my heart every moment i miss my home…when every moment i talk to her i cries…and i can’t belive still i cries… (after 45 days)… and it makes me feel better…makes me feel that i m still my mom’s child!! I don’t know whether its all good memories with her…she never fed me food with her hand yet…she never said i love you to me even i had said it thousand times to her…but she kissed me and cried whenever i stepped out of my home for a long journey and i wish i could go again and again to get that single kiss…i love that tenderness…and the one feel that she is mine!! 🙂 miss you mom… ❤
And yet again i have much things that made me worry…little ignorance from my best buddy…disappointing face of my brother on his failure…being a jobless and the thought that i wont be getting the thing what i wished most…i always wished to go back to that exam hall for AIEEE, 4 years before and i had attended that one question i missed…then i will be the most happiest girl in the world!!!Leaving that nightmare behind was the hardest job i had and realizing the fact that i can’t become an Architect..And now too i am wishing for something i will never get and this time i am well prepared…because i hadn’t got what i loved most…yet…

The treasure i have now is memories…the one think which helps me to escape…escape from the worries…some good memories…from the day of my birth to today…23 years of journey and i still remember everything which made me happy and sad…2 years before this day made my life change…the day of my grandmother’s demise…what she was for me i don’t know…but what i lost with her is a big family…a thousand memories and a home where we 100s of people always made the blast…with this day i lost myself for the next 2 months and over a year i cried every night without any reason…i never found i had grown up…i hugged my mom tightly at nights thinking that i cant miss one more person from my life…i was scared of death and i was scared of everything…that moment i started loving every moment…every thing in my life…i cared about everyone more and more and it always hurted me…but i continued caring for others even more than myself…i often got hurted…but i never minded…it may be because of that my best friend called me a saint…

No one can change you without your permission and no one can hurt you…if you cry for someone, you had given them the permission to hurt you…if you love someone…love unconditionally…and give your tears and grief to the one who deserve…

let this memories stay forever!!! good or bad…i love them..because that makes my life!!!otherwise its just a blank page..now its a wonderful diary!!! (some pages with lots of smileys.. 🙂 🙂 🙂 and some wet because of my tears… 😥 ) but i always find happiness in that…

Feeling that somewhere the words and sentences are not kept in position…not arranged…this is not an edited version…may be editing is needed…for the one person who never misses my post…shifaz…m sorry for this bad one… )