Yes! We all lost

So back in mid of April, precisely by the end of April, my Uncle tested CoViD positive. That moment onwards I was severely struck by the fact that how a pandemic have swallowed the whole world. Especially, at that time of the year, his place, Abudhabhi in UAE. Following day his wife; my Aunt, and their daughter tested positive. We all have bad days and those were ours. It got worst when my Uncle had breathing troubles and got shifted to hospital. And worsen next day, that morning when I called my mom and she burst into tears. She said that uncle fainted last night in the hospital and is in ventilator on life support now. Everything shattered for me in a moment. I still remember how tightly I hugged my husband just after the call. He assured me everything will be alright. I wept and wept and stayed in my bed half of the day. I felt numb. I wasn’t ready to even think about losing a person I love as much as I love my dad. I remembered all the good times I had with uncle. The last thing I wanted to do that day was to stop crying and getting out of that bed. But I had to drag myself out from the bed as my shift will start in 10 minutes. Life is strange sometimes, where we have to work even if we are on the verge of breakdown. For happiness, after two days, my Uncle got shifted back to room. He recovered soon and came back home. I couldn’t express the happiness I felt when I heard his voice the next time. What a comeback life!

Days passed by with good and bad days. If I say, it was mostly bad days for all of us, it will kill the cheer. For us, here in Canada, summer is happy time. So we were happy in short with pinch of sadness here and there to garnish life.

October came. Just by the mid of October, a cluster of positive cases formed in my husband’s home. His Grandma, Aunts, Uncles and my mother – in – law, almost a dozen of people tested positive. The stress loomed over us. Me and my husband consoled each other saying everything is going to be alright this time also. We remembered those April days where we kept on looking each others eyes and assured ourselves that nothing is going to be wrong. Things didn’t go well. Few days after, one morning, when I was half asleep, my husband spooned me tight and told me that his Grandma passed away. I know the whole world stopped for him that moment. We stayed silent in bed for some time and then we cried. We talked to our two and half year old son about the great Grandmother he lost and how delicious her cooking was. We told him all her stories even knowing that he can’t understand a single thing we are telling him. Three days after, we ended our days with the demise news of my husband’s uncle. Thus, we lost two souls to this deadly pandemic. Before all these, we always talked that noone will feel how terrifying this pandemic is until it impacts our own home and we had it. A big hard one. We still talk over dinner bout his Grandma and uncle. Sometimes we cry. Sometimes he cries and I console him. Some times we take deep breath and remains silent.

This post is to all who are out there. We all lost! We all lost someone we love, a friend, a parent, a sibling, a grandparent, a relative, a colleague, someone we care about. We all gone through struggles and still going through this. We all get irritated by the work-from-home. We all feel depressed on staying home. We all have that bad days and worst days. But there are always good days too. So stay home for few more days. Stay safe. We don’t want to be a part of losing someone because of us. This is going to be alright soon. Life will be back to normal if we act wise. Be that wiser person. We are in this together.

There are a few more I lost during this pandemic. My heart is grieving for them too.
– My elder Uncle who lost his battle to terminal illness. Maama, we all love you and will always miss you. May your soul rest in peace.
– My Uncle who lost himself to a cardiac arrest. A day when my mother lost her elder brother. We all pray for you.
– My husband’s friend’s wife who lost her life in a car accident. May her soul rest in peace. We all are there for him!
– And

My best fiend’s Mom.
You were always there for my darker days. You always stood beside me in my ups and downs. You didn’t stop by consoling me but made me stronger with your words and I am sorry. I am sorry that I was not there with you physically on you bad days. But as we both know, I am always there for you and will be. I know somedays you thrived to talk to me and was in need of me. That’s when I hate this time difference. Again I m sorry for not being there always. I always think of your Amma and we wish for a happy place for her in heaven. Let she stay there and watch down our little Oryn playing. Not everyone says I am there for you but you always do that at the end of our call. You always says ‘Call me when you are sad or having trouble’. That makes you one of a kind and I am grateful to have you. Actually, WE (me, Ikka and Daniyal) are grateful to have you in our life. And in return, I will be there for you. Always!

I am writing after an year and this post is dedicated to:

My little sister Thasni who struggled through this pandemic and strived through the last weeks of her pregnancy thinking about her dad who was on life support. She was a strong contender and gave birth to our little Ayzin. I am always proud of you my girl!

My bother-in-law’s wife Thansi, who always reminds me that I can write and someone out there still loves my writing. She always asks me why I am not writing. I know this is a raw script but this is for you!

To my schoolmate turned best friend Vishnu Vijay who often comes and reminds me that our life changes but some things always remain same as our friendship.

Thank you my readers!
Stay healthy! Stay happy & Stay safe until we meet next time!

Sudha Murthy- The Perfect Role Model For Simplicity, Grit, Brilliance, And Benevolence


In life, we often look up to some people with awe, totally bowled over by their persona. In my case, I was always in awe of women who dared to do something different and something which goes against the social stigmas. I had this perfect ally in the form of my friend, Eivine Renny, who works in a reputed Web Designing Company based in Chennai and Tirunelveli. We both used to delve deep into the lives of awesome women who made the world stop and look at her in awe. We would read about such women together and also discuss how these women are a perfect example of a role model.

Recently, we stumbled on the tale of Sudha Murthy, the chairperson of Infosys Foundation, a well-known philanthropist, an intriguing author, the seed investor and backbone of Infosys. The tale of Sudha Murthy is indeed awe-inspiring one as she was one badass who dared to tackle all the hurdles thrown in her way and move forward with the determination to achieve more.

Clad in simple cotton sarees, she sports the adornment of simplicity and casts spell with her actions and talks. Sudha Murthy is undoubtedly a woman who sports different hats all at once. Being someone who loves to travel a lot, she is a globetrotter who is ever ready to pack her bags and explore the world. Besides that, she is an excellent homemaker, a smart engineer and an irrepressible social worker. She made heads turn back in the 60s by boldly opting for a bob haircut which was in those days considered as a highly outrageous act by a woman.

Stepping Into The Male-Dominated Engineering!


Unlike the present advanced era of smart women engineers, back in the 1960s, engineering was not considered as a woman’s cup of tea. Defying norms, Sudha decided to pursue engineering and stepped in as the only female engineering student among 150 students. The college never had a female student and hence, didn’t have any facilities for females, not even a women’s toilet. She was greeted with jeers; boys never left a stone unturned to insult her by spilling ink on her chairs and shooting paper planes her way. But, she remained strong and focused on her studies. In any exam, everyone knew the exam results beforehand. Sudha would always top the exams, and her name would be the first one that goes on the wall. Sudha remained unfazed at the taunts of her classmates as her goals were much bigger even in those teenage days.

Courtship With Narayana And Pre-Infosys Plannings!


When Narayana and Sudha started to court each other, Narayana was penniless and broke. The couple used to explore almost all restaurants and cinema halls in Pune and Narayana would always ask Sudha to pay his share, and he would return it one day when he gets a proper paying job. Sudha used to jot down the money Narayana owed her in a book, and after long three years, the debt counted to Rs.4000. Later, Sudha tore up the book just before her wedding with Narayana and Narayana too never returned the money as the relation had turned to be a bond of love rather than money.

Reaching Out To The Horizons With Solo Trips!

Even in today’s advanced world, still, some of us may hesitate to embark on a solo trip. But, Sudha was never the one to be stopped. After marriage, Sudha decided to explore the world on a solo trip with due encouragement by Narayana. She stepped out with a backpack and explored the world on solo for long three months. She was even arrested once by the New York police as they mistook her to be a part of the Italian drug trafficking mafia group. She also spent one night with an old couple under the Grand Canyon. We had thought we only see such things in films whereas Sudha proved that it could happen easily in real life too if we have the determination to go ahead and live life in our terms.

Grabbing The First Female Engineer Post In TELCO!

While Sudha was scanning the papers for job opportunities, she stumbled on a job requirement for TELCO. As she was about to apply for it, she noticed a footnote below it which stated: “female candidates need not apply.” She found that unjustifiable and immediately wrote a letter to JRD Tata questioning him on how he can show a gender bias when he heads an innovative and prime house which is said to “think ahead of time.” Much to her surprise, JRD Tata was impressed by the fire in her and immediately granted her permission to attend the interview and also offered to pay for her trip. She went on to impress the interviewing panel and grabbed the job effortlessly. She went on to join the largest auto manufacturer company, TATA in the post of a Development Engineer and served in various locations like Pune, Jamshedpur, and Mumbai.

The Pillar Of Infosys


When Sudha moved to Mumbai, Narayana approached her with the idea of Infosys. He had no money to start with and only had dreams as an asset. Sudha encouraged him and asked him to go ahead and reach out for his dreams. She gave Rs. 10,000 to Narayana as an initial investment and asked him to chase his dreams and succeed within three years. She said that she would take up the responsibility of managing the finances of their house for three years but not longer than that.

She later left her job at TELCO and joined Narayana to be the pillar of support to achieve his dreams. She took up the role of a Senior System Analyst at Walchand Group of Industries so that their financial needs will be met. In addition to that, she worked as a programmer, cook, and clerk at Infosys as it bloomed and prospered in the hard work and perseverance of Narayana and Sudha.

In addition to all this, Sudha is also one of the best-selling authors of more than 1.5 million books which is a collection of short stories, novels, travelogues, nonfiction, technical books, and children’s books. She is a well-known philanthropist who believes that money can give certain comforts, but not all. It can be a heavy bag, and hence we need to donate it to those who deserve it so that we can travel the journey of life with a lightweight soul.

Sudha is undoubtedly one of the best role models for the women of today as she proves that hard work, determination, and the grit to live life in own terms can lead you to success and help you achieve the even the unachievable!


500 days!

She sipped the coffee and looked into his eyes. He still doesn’t show any hesitation in talking to her. He is waiting for her reply as he asked a normal question. 

‘Today also you are going to walk me to my apartment, Right?’ She asked to broke the silence between them. He smiled and walked to the bill counter. They both exited the restaurant and started walking. She could feel her heart beating so fast while they covered half the way in silence. ‘So, you don’t like me, Right? You don’t like to marry a person like me. I know!’ He was talking normally. She just looked at his face, he smiled and asked ‘What?’ 

‘You don’t know me really! I am a very different creature. Have you seen any girl like me yet. I have goals..’ 

‘Goals like?’ He broke in.

‘I want to start an NGO for street children. I want to start my own Architect firm. I want my stories to get published. I want to buy an apartment my own and live there alone.’ She took a deep breath. He is still smiling at her. ‘Who said this is all big things. These are all normal. You can do everything as your wish. But you should live in the apartment with me and our kids.’ She laughed, but still feeling the weight in her heart. ‘You don’t understand.’ She concluded the conversation and headed towards her apartment.

Back in her room, she took the phone and rewinded the chats. The books he gifted, A walk to remember and the notebook, her favourite Nicholas Sparks is smiling at her. I can’t fall in love with him. How can I? He was a great support to her for the past few months. He know all her hardships, but she don’t know much about his. He is like that only. He came to talk to her only after reading her blog, even she know him for the past one year; she also haven’t tried to talk. Last time she went for a movie with him. First time with a guy alone. She never felt anything awkward. He was clean, never shown and flirty caring drama of normal guys. He always respected her likes and dislikes. He was like a great friend to whom she can lean. But today, he looked straight into her face and told he just need her in his whole life, in happiness and sadness, as his best friend and wife. He just need her answer. She was likely to say you are just my friend. But she didn’t.

Remembering all those moments made her numb. She took the phone and texted him.

‘Do you really loves me?’

After 500 days!

He put the car key in the ignition. ‘Baby, are you sure you took everything in need?’ She got into the seat and smiled at him. ‘Ha Baba, don’t act like my husband!’ He gave the most confusing look in a playful way. She gave a peck on his cheek as he drove the car forward. They rushed through the highway in the car tagged ‘Just Married‘. 

I am sharing a half relationship story at Blogadda in association with #HalfGirlfriend

Half Girlfriend trailer


It wasn’t a perfect morning for me. Still haunted by the beautiful moments with her; I couldn’t get off my mind from those days I lived with her. Yes! I am not living for the past few months. Walking and behaving like a corpse. Every day & night thinking over and over about the purpose of my existence without her.

I climbed the steps of the stadium & seated under a tree. Morning classes are over and I have a whole day left to roam around the town. It’s been three months here in the new place. Every day I chose to be here. Sitting among the gallery & finding myself lost in some bitter memories. The leaves of the tree murmured something. A green balloon of yesterday’s Heart Day March kept on striding in the air, it’s twain trapped among the branches of the tree. An uninvited grin covered my face. Is that balloon my heart? Trapped in haunting memories with a messed up brain, which can’t understand that past is past & we have to move on! Oh, She already moved on; now it’s my turn to bury the past. I m tired of acting in front of family & friends. Even if I m not, my body is tired of this fake smile I throw.

I pulled out my phone from the pocket & started striding through it. I re-read the texts from my close ones who always soothed me with their best ways. But each time I talk to them I can feel the wound in my heart opening up again & I can feel the spilt of blood. I looked at her Whatsapp DP. She again changed the picture. This time she is giving her usual big smile, her hands wrapped around her fiance’s neck. I felt the rush of my blood. I am a looser.

Ooh!! Loud shrieking voice broke my thoughts. Kids from the nearby special school are playing. They made loud laughter; for a moment I felt irritated. They are laughing & look at me! A dead heart and brain with some bones and flesh. For a while my inner voice told me to keep on watching them play. I felt myself drifting again in the thoughts. I re-called the word we use-Mentally Challenged. Mentally challenged kids. What that really means? They are far better than normal people who are challenged in every aspects of life. Once again I came back to the present.
They are getting arranged on a starting point. I guessed and cheered myself up for the upcoming race which gonna happen soon. The teachers tried their best to make them reach properly over the lane & the whistle is blown. They all gave a howl and started running with wide open smile on their face. Each and every one glowed in the morning sun rays. All of a sudden one among them stumbled & fell on the ground. He cried out in a loud voice & then it happened. All the kids who were running made a halt and ran back to the fallen one. They all lend hands to make him on foot. I saw sadness looming over each and every face seeing that one painful face of their friend. After making sure of himself that he is fine; the fallen kid started smiling. As sadness; happiness also is contagious. That single smile flourished and spread to everyone and ended up in loud laughter. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks & my lips made a slit and it gave the best smile after a long time. I felt a pain in my cheek bones.

I looked up. God! In this 23 years; I just felt that I m going through the best day in my life. The happiest moment. The day which made tremendous change in me. The day I stopped hating the life around & started loving it. The magic of some little kids!
It may be a day, an incident or a moment; look around, our life is out there!


Just inspired from an incident shared by my friend. 🙂 It’s been stuck unedited in my drafts for the past several months & today I felt no edits are in need and it’s time to publish.

HER birthday story

October 20, 2015

It was a usual afternoon in HER work desk. SHE was busy scribbling something on HER notepad; but HER mind was totally obsessed with that apple pudding waiting for HER in the refrigerator. Bhabhi made it and dropped a box while they went back to home town. SHE is a foodie and can’t resist HER thoughts over it. After a little while, SHE was stomping HER pencil on the table and humming some crazy tunes, receptionist reached HER with a smile & handed an envelope. She wished an Advanced Happy Birthday to HER. SHE gave back a glee and said a Thank You in mere voice. SHE tore the edge of envelope and took that large birthday card out. A wonderful one inscribed with some very beautiful quotes. In the end it’s written HER old room mate’s name. She left the room two months before after completing her course. She was one of the best caring girl she ever met. The best listener to her blah blah. SHE went through the card again and again and kept dialing in the girl’s number. SHE was expecting a wish from her in the midnight, but not something like this. After so many unanswered calls she picked up the phone.
“You Idiot.. Thank You!!”
That was the first sentence came out of HER mouth. After the call SHE felt the chaotic face of HER boss behind.
“What’s that all about?” He asked.
“It’s HER birthday tomorrow!” Someone beside her replied.
“Whoa!” He made a wondering voice.
I know you will forget.’ SHE thought in mind.
HER Boss got a heavy memory problem. Especially with dates and numerical.
Then on wards SHE was on that happy mode. Surprises! SHE hate that; SHE hate HER heart beating fast; SHE hate suspense. Birthdays are usual days for HER. Last time SHE was in Dubai, letting the day pass as a usual one. It was a normal day. But this time it’s already abnormal. Damn special.
SHE took an appointment for a walk with HER mate. It’s the only time SHE behaves normal now a days. On those short walks SHE regains herself.
Back in room SHE was thinking about HER 24 years of existence. Every bad memories came swirling and SHE choked that out again.

Right after the dinner while SHE was in another room, busy with some mehendi design business, HER room-mate came and grabbed HER hands. She whispered “Terrace door is open, Come let’s go and check out.”
“Now? But Who? It’s almost midnight.” SHE peeped through the hand rail gaps.
Yes. Its open. SHE followed her room-mate and swung opened the door.
Bash! Happy Birthday to you started ringing through HER ears. “Oh God! You guys!” SHE was like What? When? How? Here? So many unanswered quires and they just handed HER the knife. Only three of them. HER best inmates. SHE was missing the other bunch of girls. SHE knelt down near the cake.
A moment. Thank You Almighty. Thank You for everything good & bad till now. Thank You for every weaker and stronger moments. SHE blown the candles and cut the cake. HER eyes searched for the stars in the sky. The stars are blinking at HER. SHE blinked back. The rest of night they stayed up there in the terrace chatting, clicking and chatting. And yes it is 12.00 am. Completing another round the earth.

21 October 2015

SHE rolled under her blanket at almost 2.00 am in the morning after those unending calls and messages.
Morning was same in office until SHE opened the WordPress and found a post titled How_I_Met_Her from HER lady-love. It almost made HER in to the wedge of tears. SHE stumbled through words to thank HER. While SHE was reading it again and again, HER intercom rang.
“This is from reception, You got a gift here!”
“What? From who?”
“Donno, Told its your friend!”
SHE reached the front office in no time and took the golden wrapped box. No names.
The receptionist smiled.
“Is that a He or She?”
“He is waiting downstairs.”
SHE reached the elevator. It’s still downstairs. SHE took the steps and reached the lobby.
It was him. HER bestie from college. He gave HER a high-five.
“Happy Birthday.”
“Oh Yeah.” SHE stood smiling with a whole surprised face, placing HER hand over head.
“Don’t surprise me like this. You know, I hate this.”
“But it’s your birthday. Now go & work.”
SHE was out of words. SHE took the wrapped box from reception and headed to HER work station. Pastries. SHE unwrapped the box. A red velvet and a caramel one.
Another ring on HER mobile. Another one from the same gang.
“Hey, Wassup?”
“Nothing.” SHE gave a cold reply.
“Then come downstairs.”
“Come re.”
Here again HER other two people are standing right in front of HER smiling.
“Oh God! I asked you guys yesterday itself whether you are free or not. I hate surprises.”
“We can’t help it.”
SHE returned back with the smiles and welled up eyes. SHE had a happy lunch with colleagues and a big one with HER besties.
Back in HER seat and then again a brown envelope with EMS sticker. SHE checked for the sender. It showed HER brother’s name. How? He is abroad. SHE carefully tore the cover and took the paper out. It enclosed a photograph. HER favorite one ( Palm Jumeirah from sky) & an emotional letter from him. SHE dialed his number. *Emotional Talk*
A message popped up in HER Whatsapp from HER blogger friend. Check WP. SHE opened the blog from the favorites tab. Yet again a dedicated wish. The girl in the white scarf.
SHE told to HERSELF. No more surprises Please..

While HER way back home SHE scrolled again through those wonderful birthday notes send by friends. Home welcomed HER with a Happy Birthday from everywhere. SHE was tired. That made HER ran to kitchen and gulped the dinner. Late night after making sure that SHE thanked everyone SHE crawled under her blanket.

27 October 2015

Intercom rings.
“Hey you got a courier.”
“But I didn’t order anything.”
“But this is for you.”
SHE turned towards her Boss. “Have you ordered anything online in my name.”
“No. Why?”
SHE reached the front office. Yeah its directly to HER. Clearly to HER only. In that 75+ employed office, it’s for HER. SHE took the pack and opened it. It was a book. The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. SHE gave a pause and smiled. SHE know who is behind this anonymous courier. SHE ringed HER big brother. He is the one who only mentioned this book before. SHE yelled at him in a lovely voice. “You know, I hate surprises.”


And this is my birthday story.. Tons and tons of thanks to everyone for that wonderful day.. Making it special.. Thank You Deepthi for the first surprise.. My roomies Akhi, Akhila, Soorya.. Thank You Manu, Remees, KP for turning up.. Rimitha for making it sweet.. Everyone for those wonderful birthday notes.. *Goosebumps*.. Thank You Santo for throwing up a treat to your workers on my Birthday.. That made my day.. Thank you for all the people who lend time to wish me through Facebook and Whatsapp.. Thank you for giving me the privilege to be the name of Whatsapp groups even for that day.. Thank You for the people who changed their status for me.. Thank You my lil bro Shabeer for that cute little pic.. I love you sweet heart.. Thank You my Aaashi for making me feel more and more blessed!! Thank You Sana & Neerja for the posts which decorated my WP that day.. I felt like m a celebrity.. Thank You my Nibin Chettan for that last but wonderful surprise..IMG-20151021-WA0012 Thank You Vichuzz for that wonderful speech you made in the morning (even after forgetting about my birthday.. 😛 )..
Thank You for the calls I got from 12 am that day to the end of the day.. Thank You for that international incoming.. ❤ You people know how much I miss you.. Thank you Santo, KP, Shinilkka, my lil bro Bishnu, my Zaf for writing those cute little birthday notes for me.. 🙂 I thought of sharing it.. But I think its my secret prized possession.. Thank You my Mom & Dad for reminding again that Birthdays are normal days.. Thank You my family (We are always family.. ❤ ) for unending support & care throughout my life till now.. And in the end..
Alhamdhulillah!! 🙂
Thank You Almighty!!
I feel SPECIAL.. :


Never QUIT!

It was when I worked in Ankleshwar (Gujarat), I met this Calicut born Unni. A person with burden of worries. Failure encountered him in every jobs he tried. Once he said to me.. “I am a failure. I am not able to send at least a penny to my mother from the salary?”

It was on that night, I met him nearby the Ankleshwar Railway Station for the first time.

That Night
He disappeared from our place in the midnight and my mind whispered to me to go in search of him. In the end, I was compelled to believe the truth that he is walking towards his own death. He didn’t win in that part too. He criticized me for that.

“Unni..Take a moment & think. Have you ever thought of your mother? She brought up you till now. Even being a widow, did she ever made you feel the absence of your father? You know well that how she contended to her fate, whole day working in work sites and fields.. It was to make you & your sister happy. If you gonna quit from your life.. who will take care of them?” I wasn’t sure about what I am saying. But I spat out words with the vague knowledge about him.
“Chottu Bhai.. What else I should do? Do you think I forgot my mother & sister?”
“Unni.. You just look at me. I never gained anything from my life till now. A failure in studying too. You already know how I am struggling day night here. I took my life as a thrill. You too try to think so.. You can..This is not the end dear!”
He ran to me and hugged!
Still being a stranger he promised me. “No.. I won’t end my life myself.”

There started our friendship.

After years while I was in Abudhabi, I got a letter.
Sister got married. Mother is fine.
Chottu Bhai.. You are really my brother!

I don’t know whether this is worth a read or worth sharing.. But this is clinging in my heart from the day I heard this.. The Chottu Bhai here is my own brother.. A person who I respect most.. It’s all because of his attitude towards life.. Every time when I meet him, he shares so many funny stories from his 37 years of life.. But when he narrated this, it made a special feeling in my heart.. May be the sole reason is hearing something serious for the first time from someone who always cracks jokes over his life.. I felt this as a message to everyone who is fed up of their life..
Take your life as an adventure.. You gonna love it.. 🙂
Never QUIT!!

A night in the street

Every day is a lesson to life. Every moment. For me,yesterday was such a day. A day which made me think beyond the reach with my tiring brain. The day I left home after some wonderful days of happiness & togetherness.

Yesterday was a hectic day. I will never tag it as a bad day, but a day with some not-so-good moments. It was the end of my Onam holidays & today I had to get back to work. My usual schedule. I descended the bus with a half dead mind. I had a worse (still manageable) bus journey (will narrate it later.. 🙂 ). While walking through the narrow road to my hostel,my mobile warned with a battery critically low notification. And yet again I forgot to take my power bank from home. I was running out of money in pocket but wasn’t able to take a step towards the ATM. That’s why I chose to reach the hostel as soon as possible and give a rest to my back bone.
(The hostel was closed for Onam holidays last Thursday on wards. Notified before that it will re-open by Sunday evening only. I already made a call to the warden and informed her that I will be reaching by Sunday evening.)

But yesterday, the re-opening Sunday evening welcomed me with a locked gate and two of my in-mates whom I barely know waiting in front of that. My phone called the evening Azaan making me realize 6.30 pm ticked in my watch. I smiled at the two ladies. They looked worn out, tired than me. They both were over phone trying to get the Warden. But she wasn’t picking up the call. We settled our mind believing that she may be in bus on the way back here. I put down my back-pack and tried to relax myself. I tied up my messy hair, removed my scarf and started walking slowly through the street. The other two were on some other phone calls. The sun started to say good bye to the day and my watch ticked 7.00 pm. All the shops nearby was closed and I was in need of water. One of the two lend me the half bottle of water. I drank it like elixir realizing that’s the only water left for the rest of night. Meanwhile an Old lady from the neighborhood came to us and made a small enquiry on our waiting process. We kept on trying over Warden’s number & no one responded from the other end. After 7.15 pm we got her on call. She was waiting for the chief to come and hand over the key of our hostel. We have another one hour to spend in the darkness.

Typical Cochin night is ready for me. The halogen street light,singing mosquitoes, wandering cats.. Eyes peeped out through the windows and porches of the nearby houses. People were looking at us like we are alien from some other planet. A cat was finding its place near my back-pack. I grabbed my luggage and shifted to the gate. My legs started fainting and that made me sit in the side of street, in front of the gate. For my wonder the other two also settled near me. I was mute, hesitant to start a conversation. I had a smile-smile relationship with them till then. Gradually the silence between us is broken. The one lady with me is about 25+ in age. She is a field reported/ journalist in a leading Malayalam news channel.
Kerala is a place where, everyday a political party & a news channel is born. People make profit by selling common people’s common sense. One who can make drama to reality & other who makes every reality to drama. 
In her words, working in a news channel seems to be a tiring job profile . She was from Kannur, a northern district of Kerala. She had a six and half hours journey from home and her eyes were in need of some sleep. We both turned to the other lady. She is reaching her 50s. She came there for a one night stay. She vacated the hostel last month. Now she flew down from Banglore for a funeral. She reached the aerodrome by 4.30 pm and the city traffic spared another one and half hours to move 23 kilometers. She have to take another 70 kilometers journey to reach the destination. Because of the security Kerala offers for a lone woman at night, she was insisted to stay back at night and start the journey early morning for the 10.30 am funeral.

By 8’o clock we were running out of water. The humidity & mosquitoes made our wait more worse. Warden kept on saying she is on the way & no trace of human in the street made us get up ourselves and walk in search of any open shops. The eyes were still watching us from the neighborhood. We loaded our back-pack and headed towards the highway. The same Old lady who came for enquiry before,appeared and again questioned about our movement. We explained our water scarcity and search of a shop. She didn’t reply and stood there till we turned a block. We found an open shop in the highway & loaded our bag with mineral water. On the walk back random topics entered our conversation. The walls between us is already broken. We started caring each other, sheltering each other. In a world where no one lends a hand, where selling a bottle of water is a need, where people live in streets; we found our security ourselves. 🙂

By 9′ o clock, still sitting in the street side, a Black Honda City halted in front of us. A middle-aged lady got out of the car and came to us. After hearing us she offered her home for us to relax. It was at the end of the block. As they were leaving to somewhere else we hesitated to take the kind offer and thanked her. Meanwhile,her husband called our Warden & checked out where she is. After making sure that she will reach soon they left in that car with a sticker showing Advocate. Good people do exists. After some time the hostel authorities came & unlocked the gate. Without any word I grabbed my keys & headed to my room. While mounting the stair, I turned back and thanked to the two other ladies. I bid adieu to them.

I bid adieu to that three hours under street light that changed my perspective over the whole world. Is there anything wrong in giving a place to sit for three ladies? My brave heart who used to travel alone took two steps aback yesterday. Don’t expect a helping hand always. World around is changing day by day.
A bath & food brought from home; call to my brother & a little chat with my writer friend; lot many weird thoughts on my day till then & my head ache offered me a nice sleep yesterday.. 🙂

the dream..

I was descending the steps at a brisk pace. In these long 35 years, I have never left my wife behind anywhere. But today, she called out from behind, ‘Why so fast? Slow down’. I slackened my pace. It was  early in the morning and the temple was crowded with devotees. Suddenly I stopped. Is that her? I wasn’t so sure. I called out to the woman in front of me, ‘Nandini?’ She turned her gaze towards me. ‘Oh Siddhu! It’s been a very long time.’ My alarm rang and I woke up with a start. It’s morning.

Why the hell did this thing have to ring now? I had to complete the dream. I was still beaming, smiling, looking at the wall. It’s been 6 years after school. Where was she now? It’s been over two years since I had seen her, that too after a long break. She was pregnant at that time. What kid did she have? Boy or girl? So many questions over a single person.

Nandini. She was my teacher. She was a sister to me. Like every kid, I too had a mentor and that was her; the person who made my high school worthwhile. I was always her pet, her kid, even though  I was one of the most naughtiest kid in the class, who never liked to study. She often fed me food. She always took care of me like I’m her own brother. She meant the world to me. She soothed my worries. She always made me smile. Moreover, she made me what I am.

After I left school, life was all but a blur. Time flew by. I’ve lost touch with her.  But I’m sure she will be happy with her love, our Sir, her husband. Am I missing everything? That pretty good childhood.  A time that had no responsibilities, no worries, and full of happiness. I was still smiling, thinking about that wonderful dream. It was a great feeling, meeting our favorite person after a long time, recognizing that face amongst a crowd, even though the passing years have given it a lot of changes.

I got up. I have to go to the school, to meet my brother who is working there. I called Aman and asked him to pick me up. He will be coming in an hour. Sitting in the back of his bike, I was still thinking about that dream. We reached the school in no time. There it was, exactly as I remember it. I climbed the stairs and found my brother in the upper floor. As we were talking, I heard the sound of someone closing the door of a car. I looked down. I rubbed my eyes and looked again.


I was shocked. My eyes were welling up but I managed to hold back my tears. I turned to my brother. ‘Would you please call her?’ ‘Who? Nandini?’, asked my brother. I nodded my head. ‘It has been a long time.’ He stood in front of me and called out to her. She didn’t hear it. At the third call she looked back. My brother moved aside and said, ‘Look who’s here.’ I could see the same feeling I’ve felt, in her eyes. She was holding a baby boy. I was out of words. She was downstairs in the courtyard and I stood upstairs like a statue. She smiled. We stood smiling at each other for a minute and suddenly waved her hand. ‘Siddhu! I’m in a hurry. See you later dear. I got to go.’ She waved and got into the car. The boy too waved at me. She waved again. ‘See you later, okay?’ She waved a final bye and drove her car away. It turned the corner and vanished.  I didn’t say a single word.  I just stood there and waved back. I don’t know how much she meant to me. There are a lot of people like this in my life; my special one, who gave me the different meanings of love, who made me what I am, who made me realize  who I am and what I have to be.

I came back and crawled to my bed, thinking of everything that  had happened today. Thank you, God. Thank you for everything. I closed my eyes, waiting for another dream to come by.


Hearty thanks to my one and only lovely #vichu who shared his one whole day for me which turned into a simple art piece like this. And to my buddy #amal who helped me in polishing this piece. 😉 . Yes, I am blessed with some wonderful people around me. ❤

my search for TRUE LOVE

Night is still fresh for me…that’s why i chose this time again…After a rough chat with my close ones i m pretty much disturbed… 😦

what is love??? 🙂

not just love…i wanna know what is real love… ❤

Its been one and half years before…time is around 2 o clock…i was asleep in my hostel room alone…my phone rang…i reached to it and found it was from one of my close friend…i got worried and picked up…
“hey!!its me…today is her birthday…m in front f our gate dea..” he said…
“are you nuts!!what you doing here now??” i shouted at first…
Yeah! it was his girl’s birthday…i don’t know  whether i should say its her girl or not (coz she is now somebody else’s wife)…but for me she is her girl…at midnight he went her home and kept a gift (a wonderful bowl aquarium with gold fish… ❤ most lovely gift…) in front of her house and left…she never told she loves him…but he loved her…he came to know that she is engaged…he never cried…but surely heart broken…but still he found his love in her…the day she got married (just few months back) i got a message in my inbox…it was a usual one from said
” its a good day dea..but a little sadness..i wish if she was mine…but i am happy that she is happy…may God bless her…nothing much…good night… 🙂 ”
i found tears in that smiley he gave me… Is this TRUE LOVE???

And moving to another one…she is a hindu and he is a muslim…they fall in love…everything went well till one day she texted me that her marriage is fixed with another man…she couldn’t resist her family…he can’t do anything…next week is her marriage…she is acting normal…he too…they still hopes any miracle will happen and God will make them one!!! What if God never???they don’t have an answer… Is this TRUE LOVE???

I met someone who ended up writing a novel about love and betrayal…(not Ravinder singh) …She found an art in her love and she recovered from the betrayal of her love through that art piece…so is it easy to cure a broken heart through writing???

And my bestie tells about fate when we talk about love…he fallen in love with a princess and he proposed at her home…they never agreed and he left her…she never said to him that she loves him…even she is wife of someone else today and we all went for the marriage and made masti…yeah!!! i support his view…he tried but she is destined to someone else…and for God’s sake that broken heart is behind some other pretty heart now!!! so, is this TRUE LOVE???

To the end…i saw someone crying for the one who never belongs to him…For the past so many years he loved her and she never said she love him or even she don’t love him…he still loves her and now the moment she got engaged he is acting like a kid…Am i wrong that i consoled my buddy for what he lost???am i wrong that i always supported him to get his love???am i wrong that i am happy to hear that one of my friend is getting married even she broke my best one’s heart???he never got her means that she betrayed??? Is this TRUE LOVE???

My every question ended up in one single shot…A call i had on a night…around 3 years back…
Our last talk…
“So…that’s it…I love you..but i can’t do it more…we can’t be together forever…so shall we move on with this decision???” his words were broken…
“Yeah!!! just move on…i couldn’t make my family sad…you too…take care of yourself!!!drive safe…” i said…
“is that all you wanna say???” he asked…
“yeah!!! i love you…you are special…and thanks for these wonderful journey of life…be happy always…call me for any need…hope you don’t have and i wish too so… ” i replied…
“So…love you…take care of your mom and dad…don’t cry…i cant bear those tears…bye…good night…i will miss you…”
“Miss you too…stay blessed…” i ended the call and broken into tears…

an era coming to an end…

…don’t know where i started…don’t know where i will end…started a life here like a life in hell…it seems to be so for the past three years…but still found someone to make my life worth living here…there were many who came to my life in a way to touch my heart…some came and went…but some stayed…

…getting out from this college is like missing a hell with so many heavenly moments…i don’t know what will i do to get my time back with my friends…i know i will be going back to my home town soon…the only time i have now is around four months to share…to rock…to enjoy with my extraordinary idiots whom i love the most in my life…i never thought that these wonderful people can change my life…change me back to my normal life…i got so many ups and downs here…when looms of sadness covered my life and there were times when i cried on my bed hugging my pillow thinking of some crap days in my life and thinking of my mom,dad and sis…yeah…i am a family girl…i miss my mom every moment i am away from her…i wish if she was here with me…


my world around in the college is full of colors…sometimes tears…mostly laughs and smiles…my smiles are always blended and surrounded with my best buddies who cherished each and every moment in my life here…life in ICET was once the worst chapter of my life and now at the ending its on the top of best chapters…the cool mornings here in my alone room (which is double room…but i don’t know till now who my room mate is…:))…late night chit chats…gupshups…movies…oh!!sleepless exam days…bundles of xerox…cooking noodles doodles…fighting for silly things…everyone around me seems rocking…under the huge tree (the perfect place to hangout)…canteen (till the last sip of eldhos bhai’s tea)…auditorium(OMG!!once we got locked up in that)…ashrafkka’s shop…special strong tea…long walks to the college…through the broken roads…i m gonna miss those times…i m now enjoying each and everything here…in the college…arts…games…every single days…even our exams…:)

i really wish this time never ends…