memories : my way to escape

Feels like a rain had pour down in my mind just now and washed away every sorrows…
I opt everyone to watch their favorite movie when you are depressed..this one i tried out and i succeeded…

Escape from the worries…what i wish always…what everyone wishes…i worry about my present…i wish my life to be like my past…but i always forget tomorrow, today will become my past…i don’t know what i m waiting for..sometimes even i don’t know what i wish…and then i fell down and realized this is life…

Everybody have their own ways…getting on to my i pod and playing my most favorite song brings me smile at times…even makes my mind calm in the most frustrated situation…it wont be that song…it may be just the memories related to that song that makes me feel calm…or a movie like what i tried today…or browsing through the pictures of our favorite people…favorite moments…through my most favorite book…or through my phone where i saved so many precious texts…At one moment i felt…its past and i can’t get it back… 😦 but the next moment i realized those memories makes my life… 🙂

There may be so many things disturbing you…for me…always…away from home deep in my heart every moment i miss my home…when every moment i talk to her i cries…and i can’t belive still i cries… (after 45 days)… and it makes me feel better…makes me feel that i m still my mom’s child!! I don’t know whether its all good memories with her…she never fed me food with her hand yet…she never said i love you to me even i had said it thousand times to her…but she kissed me and cried whenever i stepped out of my home for a long journey and i wish i could go again and again to get that single kiss…i love that tenderness…and the one feel that she is mine!! 🙂 miss you mom… ❤
And yet again i have much things that made me worry…little ignorance from my best buddy…disappointing face of my brother on his failure…being a jobless and the thought that i wont be getting the thing what i wished most…i always wished to go back to that exam hall for AIEEE, 4 years before and i had attended that one question i missed…then i will be the most happiest girl in the world!!!Leaving that nightmare behind was the hardest job i had and realizing the fact that i can’t become an Architect..And now too i am wishing for something i will never get and this time i am well prepared…because i hadn’t got what i loved most…yet…

The treasure i have now is memories…the one think which helps me to escape…escape from the worries…some good memories…from the day of my birth to today…23 years of journey and i still remember everything which made me happy and sad…2 years before this day made my life change…the day of my grandmother’s demise…what she was for me i don’t know…but what i lost with her is a big family…a thousand memories and a home where we 100s of people always made the blast…with this day i lost myself for the next 2 months and over a year i cried every night without any reason…i never found i had grown up…i hugged my mom tightly at nights thinking that i cant miss one more person from my life…i was scared of death and i was scared of everything…that moment i started loving every moment…every thing in my life…i cared about everyone more and more and it always hurted me…but i continued caring for others even more than myself…i often got hurted…but i never minded…it may be because of that my best friend called me a saint…

No one can change you without your permission and no one can hurt you…if you cry for someone, you had given them the permission to hurt you…if you love someone…love unconditionally…and give your tears and grief to the one who deserve…

let this memories stay forever!!! good or bad…i love them..because that makes my life!!!otherwise its just a blank page..now its a wonderful diary!!! (some pages with lots of smileys.. 🙂 🙂 🙂 and some wet because of my tears… 😥 ) but i always find happiness in that…

Feeling that somewhere the words and sentences are not kept in position…not arranged…this is not an edited version…may be editing is needed…for the one person who never misses my post…shifaz…m sorry for this bad one… )

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