memories : my way to escape

Feels like a rain had pour down in my mind just now and washed away every sorrows…
I opt everyone to watch their favorite movie when you are depressed..this one i tried out and i succeeded…

Escape from the worries…what i wish always…what everyone wishes…i worry about my present…i wish my life to be like my past…but i always forget tomorrow, today will become my past…i don’t know what i m waiting for..sometimes even i don’t know what i wish…and then i fell down and realized this is life…

Everybody have their own ways…getting on to my i pod and playing my most favorite song brings me smile at times…even makes my mind calm in the most frustrated situation…it wont be that song…it may be just the memories related to that song that makes me feel calm…or a movie like what i tried today…or browsing through the pictures of our favorite people…favorite moments…through my most favorite book…or through my phone where i saved so many precious texts…At one moment i felt…its past and i can’t get it back… 😦 but the next moment i realized those memories makes my life… πŸ™‚

There may be so many things disturbing you…for me…always…away from home deep in my heart every moment i miss my home…when every moment i talk to her i cries…and i can’t belive still i cries… (after 45 days)… and it makes me feel better…makes me feel that i m still my mom’s child!! I don’t know whether its all good memories with her…she never fed me food with her hand yet…she never said i love you to me even i had said it thousand times to her…but she kissed me and cried whenever i stepped out of my home for a long journey and i wish i could go again and again to get that single kiss…i love that tenderness…and the one feel that she is mine!! πŸ™‚ miss you mom… ❀
And yet again i have much things that made me worry…little ignorance from my best buddy…disappointing face of my brother on his failure…being a jobless and the thought that i wont be getting the thing what i wished most…i always wished to go back to that exam hall for AIEEE, 4 years before and i had attended that one question i missed…then i will be the most happiest girl in the world!!!Leaving that nightmare behind was the hardest job i had and realizing the fact that i can’t become an Architect..And now too i am wishing for something i will never get and this time i am well prepared…because i hadn’t got what i loved most…yet…

The treasure i have now is memories…the one think which helps me to escape…escape from the worries…some good memories…from the day of my birth to today…23 years of journey and i still remember everything which made me happy and sad…2 years before this day made my life change…the day of my grandmother’s demise…what she was for me i don’t know…but what i lost with her is a big family…a thousand memories and a home where we 100s of people always made the blast…with this day i lost myself for the next 2 months and over a year i cried every night without any reason…i never found i had grown up…i hugged my mom tightly at nights thinking that i cant miss one more person from my life…i was scared of death and i was scared of everything…that moment i started loving every moment…every thing in my life…i cared about everyone more and more and it always hurted me…but i continued caring for others even more than myself…i often got hurted…but i never minded…it may be because of that my best friend called me a saint…

No one can change you without your permission and no one can hurt you…if you cry for someone, you had given them the permission to hurt you…if you love someone…love unconditionally…and give your tears and grief to the one who deserve…

let this memories stay forever!!! good or bad…i love them..because that makes my life!!!otherwise its just a blank page..now its a wonderful diary!!! (some pages with lots of smileys.. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ and some wet because of my tears… πŸ˜₯ ) but i always find happiness in that…

Feeling that somewhere the words and sentences are not kept in position…not arranged…this is not an edited version…may be editing is needed…for the one person who never misses my post…shifaz…m sorry for this bad one… )

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my search for TRUE LOVE

Night is still fresh for me…that’s why i chose this time again…After a rough chat with my close ones i m pretty much disturbed… 😦

what is love??? πŸ™‚

not just love…i wanna know what is real love… ❀

Its been one and half years before…time is around 2 o clock…i was asleep in my hostel room alone…my phone rang…i reached to it and found it was from one of my close friend…i got worried and picked up…
“hey!!its me…today is her birthday…m in front f our gate dea..” he said…
“are you nuts!!what you doing here now??” i shouted at first…
Yeah! it was his girl’s birthday…i don’t know Β whether i should say its her girl or not (coz she is now somebody else’s wife)…but for me she is her girl…at midnight he went her home and kept a gift (a wonderful bowl aquarium with gold fish… ❀ most lovely gift…) in front of her house and left…she never told she loves him…but he loved her…he came to know that she is engaged…he never cried…but surely heart broken…but still he found his love in her…the day she got married (just few months back) i got a message in my inbox…it was a usual one from him..it said
” its a good day dea..but a little sadness..i wish if she was mine…but i am happy that she is happy…may God bless her…nothing much…good night… πŸ™‚ ”
i found tears in that smiley he gave me… Is this TRUE LOVE???

And moving to another one…she is a hindu and he is a muslim…they fall in love…everything went well till one day she texted me that her marriage is fixed with another man…she couldn’t resist her family…he can’t do anything…next week is her marriage…she is acting normal…he too…they still hopes any miracle will happen and God will make them one!!! What if God never???they don’t have an answer… Is this TRUE LOVE???

I met someone who ended up writing a novel about love and betrayal…(not Ravinder singh) …She found an art in her love and she recovered from the betrayal of her love through that art piece…so is it easy to cure a broken heart through writing???

And my bestie tells about fate when we talk about love…he fallen in love with a princess and he proposed at her home…they never agreed and he left her…she never said to him that she loves him…even she is wife of someone else today and we all went for the marriage and made masti…yeah!!! i support his view…he tried but she is destined to someone else…and for God’s sake that broken heart is behind some other pretty heart now!!! so, is this TRUE LOVE???

To the end…i saw someone crying for the one who never belongs to him…For the past so many years he loved her and she never said she love him or even she don’t love him…he still loves her and now the moment she got engaged he is acting like a kid…Am i wrong that i consoled my buddy for what he lost???am i wrong that i always supported him to get his love???am i wrong that i am happy to hear that one of my friend is getting married even she broke my best one’s heart???he never got her means that she betrayed??? Is this TRUE LOVE???

My every question ended up in one single shot…A call i had on a night…around 3 years back…
Our last talk…
“So…that’s it…I love you..but i can’t do it more…we can’t be together forever…so shall we move on with this decision???” his words were broken…
“Yeah!!! just move on…i couldn’t make my family sad…you too…take care of yourself!!!drive safe…” i said…
“is that all you wanna say???” he asked…
“yeah!!! i love you…you are special…and thanks for these wonderful journey of life…be happy always…call me for any need…hope you don’t have and i wish too so… ” i replied…
“So…love you…take care of your mom and dad…don’t cry…i cant bear those tears…bye…good night…i will miss you…”
“Miss you too…stay blessed…” i ended the call and broken into tears…

HIGHWAY – Magical Road Movie (Not a review but what i felt)

It was a late night cold day i sat up and switched on the laptop…All are asleep and what i need that day was my own moments…I miss my home…mom…movies…friends…books…gupshups!!! I started watching…

Highway Posters feat Alia Bhatt, Randeep Hooda

Gone through so many reviews and status updates about the movie in blogs and Facebook made me think that this gonna be a dragging one… (even Rajeev Masand said so)…but i could’nt imagine a boring piece from Imtiaz Ali…

Starting of the movie made me the same thought i had read in reviews…this may be dragging…a girl got kidnapped late night by some rascals in a petrol pump in front of her fiance on the day before her wedding…and the way the head of the kidnappers behaves to her is heart aching…Finding out that she is the daughter of a well known entrepreneur the kidnapped team got confused and they split…the thread goes fast till then…there starts the journey of Veera, the girl’s and Mahabir, the kidnapper’s journey…

Highway…for me is a simple movie…not much complicated…a girl who found freedom in the hands of the man she kidnapped…its quite natural that they starts loving each other…Imtiaz did it in the best way and it is appreciable that they are not kissing on the next moment she find comfortable with him…(a Bollywood movie without a kissing scene is rare now a days…) For those who want a masala movie i don’t prefer Highway..because this is only a perfect road movie which made me kept watching watching and watching…i really wished the movie not to end..the cinematographer and the camera man did a wonderful job by taking us visually through Delhi, Punjab, Rajasthan, Himachal and Kashmir…Moments seems to be precious and dialogues are rare but executed dialogues are fantastic and worth thinking….

This movie is not a single adventure by Imtiaz…Everything in this movie is simply awesome…A.R.Rahman’s music is the one thing which makes this movie non-boring in the situations where it have to be bored…Superb acting by the cast..Alia Bhatt as Veera seems to be a matured actor than a college girl (totally out of Shanaya look) …The way she changes from smile to broken tears in a scene is just worth to show her talent…Mahabir is well played by Randeep Hooda…over emotions on grief…love and sadness…he acted pretty…The lyrical magic by Irshad Kamil as we heard before in Rockstar is once again seen in this movie…For me Highway is pretty magical which makes me think of the movie and music long after watching the movie…The Veera who ends up on a normal life on a hilltop house as she had dreamt and thinking about her good times with Mahabir…the girl who cries loudly sitting on a road side for Mahabir who wont come back…those scenes will always rest in my mind…

For those who are reading this…this is a must watch piece…its about freedom…life…and satisfaction…